Katie (00:01):
Hi everyone. Thank you for tuning into the Hustlenomics Podcast. I’m your host, Katie. And today I am so excited to be talking with Kamini Wood. She is a mother of five, an international bestselling author, a certified life coach for teens and adults, as well as board certified through the American association of drugless practitioners as a founder and CEO of live joy, your way and authentic me rise up program. She works with high-achievers on letting go of stress, overwhelm, and anxiety that comes with trying to do everything and trying to do it perfectly. So commonly thank you so much for coming on the show today, Katie. Thank you so much for having me. Yes, absolutely. I’m so excited to jump in. I gave a little intro for you there, but I’d love if you could introduce yourself further and just tell the listeners a little bit more about your background and how you got to where you are today.
Kamini (00:46):
Sure. So I actually am as you mentioned, I’m a mom of five, I’m married. I live in North Carolina. I actually am a transplant. However, I was born and raised in Connecticut. So I’m a Yankee now down in the South. I spent 14 to 15 years actually managing my husband’s law firm, but then being a mom actually became my catalyst for my own self transformation. So a few years ago I started seeing my own children. They were emulating me because I am as I like to say a recovering people, pleasing perfectionist. And so I could see them sort of carrying on that people pleasing tendency. And I realized that if I did not address it within myself, I would continue that cycle with my children and it would be a generational thing. So I went through my own work and figuring out that I, it was okay to be affectionate and it was okay to want to please people, but I needed to figure out positive ways to do that and positive ways to use my perfectionism.
Kamini (01:45):
And so that started my journey into life coaching and realizing that it was not just me who was dealing with such issues, but it is something that a lot of people deal with in terms of high achievers who want to take care of those around them. They want to fix things. They have a tendency to want to control. And I realized that it was sort of my calling if you will, to help others and to take what I’ve learned from my own experiences and help them with their growth and, and transformations. And so I ended up certifying in life coaching, and then I actually continued and certified in team life coaching because one of the other things that I realized was a lot of my patterns and belief systems were put into place as a young child and a teenager. And I realized that our teams today, especially raising my own, they’re under a lot of pressures to do it all. And so I wanted to be able to offer them the same help and guidance and support that I’m offering adults. And so I actually certified in teen life coaching as well. So that’s kind of me in a nutshell and how I ended up where I am.
Katie (02:52):
Wonderful. That’s very cool. So you mentioned you had been working in more of like a corporate environment managing a law firm and all that stuff. So what kind of that journey, like deciding that you wanted to go out on your own and start your own business and become a coach and get our certified light and stuff like that? Cause I’m sure that was an interesting and maybe difficult transition.
Kamini (03:10):
Yeah, it actually was, you know, it was a big transition for me because I had to let go of the way that I was defining myself. So I had, I had fallen into that trap of defining my identity by the roles I was playing. So I was wife, I was mom, I was manager of this law firm and I realized that it was okay for me to follow my passions and where my heart was leading me and helping people and supporting people cause I’m a very empathetic person. And that I realized was actually my calling, my calling was to support people and to help them lead their best life. And so it wasn’t big decision though, to let go of all that I sort of knew in terms of yes, being in the corporate world, but also I was behind the scenes, you know, I was behind my husband.
Kamini (03:59):
I was propping him up. I was, it was his brand that I was building. And so it was a big decision in big sort of jump where I had to trust myself and trust my own abilities to really go for what I wanted to do and realize that it was okay. I didn’t need to live my life to anybody’s validations or expectations, but it was okay to live to my own. And that’s exactly what I do and work with people on is letting go of external expectations and validation and learning to really embrace who you are and what you want and being present in your own life. Because what also happened was I realized by defining myself through the roles I was playing, I became more of a Nexter. And what I mean by that is I would go from task to task and just sort of check the boxes and wasn’t really present in anything that I was doing. So it was, it was a leap of faith. Yes. But it was also something that I realized I had to do in order to just actually be experiencing my wife in the present moment.
Katie (05:00):
Oh yeah. That’s beautiful. I love that. And so what were some of those first steps that you took? Was it getting the certification? Was it your branding? What was that journey like? So the first step, honestly,
Kamini (05:11):
Actually my own self transformation, my own realization of what it is that I wanted to do in terms of recognizing like who I was and what my identity was and that it was outside of the roles that I play that was step number one. And then, then in terms of the real, like, okay, now I’m going to start my own business for me personally. I need to feel as though I have some, some education behind me in terms of, of that whole like life coaching. I would not feel comfortable going out and just coaching people without feeling like I was trained in it. So my very first step was going through an actual program. I trained in life coaching. I trained in wellness certification. And like I mentioned before I trained in the specialty of teen life coaching, I’ve gone on to get a specialty training in new money story as well as I’ve in conscious uncoupling and conscious parenting.
Kamini (06:00):
And the reason why I do that is because I just feel for me personally, in order to support people, I need to understand the ins and outs of, of you know, just how to fully guide people and be there to help them along the way. And so for me, it was building up my educational background and in terms of actual coaching and then from there, it was, you know, starting the business. Now, luckily for me, I had started the Wofford with my husband. So in terms of the business side of it, that didn’t frighten me at all. It was actually pretty seamless. Well, that’s good. So you had some prior experience. So I’m still fascinated by you mentioned the whole educational thing and I a hundred percent agree. That’s how I feel as well about everything I do, but I am not familiar with the certification process when it comes to coaching, whether it be like live coaching or parenting and all that kind of stuff.
Kamini (06:52):
So was it an online thing that you did? Did you have to go to classes in person? What was that like? So it’s very interesting cause there are a lot of coaches who are just coaches and then there are different ways of getting certifications. Some are weekend programs, some are on campuses, some are virtual. I being mom of five, ended up doing mine through it was virtual, but it was required meetings every single week. And it was almost a year long process for my certification program, my life coaching certification program and the process itself was pretty demanding. As a matter of fact, even with the conscious uncoupling certification, it requires a practicum and you have to take a certain number of clients through the process and you have to go through a debriefing every single week for the actual practicum clients in order for them to they listened to your, your coaching.
Kamini (07:48):
And you have to, obviously there’s an exam and all of that, but there’s also a required reading and they’re required meetings that you have to go to in addition to the practicum clients. So it’s pretty intense, which again, I don’t shy away from it just in terms of if I’m going to do it, I’m going to try to do it to the best of my ability. So awesome. That’s so interesting. I’m always fascinated by these different certifications and all that kind of stuff. So you mentioned you had to do some work with clients during the process. But I’d love to hear about those first few experiences with clients because I can only imagine the coaching thing sounds so cool to me. You mentioned you had dealt with perfectionism and all that stuff and wanting to do everything exactly right. Was there, did you feel a bunch of pressure working with clients for the first time?
Kamini (08:30):
Oh my gosh. Yes. I remember the first few clients. I was so self critical and so nervous. And then I realized that I don’t have to come with answers. Like the whole point of this of coaching is for me, I’m not there to tell somebody what they should do or to prove my knowledge. I’m there to meet them where they are and to support them so they can get to where they want to go. And that’s my job. And when I really anchored into that, I realized that this isn’t a performance, you know, and, and, and there’s nothing to to fail at the only way that I would fail is not showing up and being authentic with my clients. And so as long as I anchored into that feeling and into that thought process and being fully present with my clients I realized everything was actually going to be completely fine. Yeah. I love that
Katie (09:21):
Perspective. I think that’s wonderful. And so I looked through your blog a little bit and you have some fascinating topics that you touch on. And one that really stood out to me is something about burnout, because I know I’ve dealt with this as an entrepreneur, and I’m sure almost everybody listening has felt this a little bit at some point, just that feeling of like, Oh my gosh, I cannot do one more thing. I’m just done. I’m just going to give up. So in that blog post, or just, if you work with your clients, you’re maybe dealing with this, how do you suggest dealing with burnout and what are some ways to maybe avoid it in the future? So the way that,
Kamini (09:53):
Or I talk about burnout is there is this process. I refer to it as, as managing overwhelm. There’s a process in your daily life. And we talk about this with my clients all the time of, you know, doing a self check and figuring out where we are routinely during our days. The problem that we face is when we don’t check in with ourselves, we end up over committing. We also work on setting boundaries and learning that saying no is actually okay, but in terms of the overwhelm management, what I mean by that is it’s almost like a barometer check that you have with yourself each day. And if you are coasting along and you’re sort of in this green zone, you know, that everything is kind of easy. You’re fine. You just keep going. If you feel like you’re getting into the yellow zone you realize that you’re kind of stepping outside of your comfort zone.
Kamini (10:39):
Things are a little more difficult, but you are able to still grow. Cause you’re when you’re outside of your comfort zone, you’re still in that growth zone area. You’re still able to manage it. It’s just, like I said, a little bit uncomfortable, but when you get into the red zone where you feel like you’re in panic mode, you, you recognize that you have too many. I equate it to the spinning plates, right? Where like you’re spinning so many plates and you’re actually terrified that one is about to fall, but it’s also, when you start to feel it physically, you might be short of breath. You might be sweaty. You might, you know, sweaty palms. You feel it in the pit of your stomach that like you are just about to lose it. Like you just, you’re very stressed out. Those are the moments where you have to slow down and get present with yourself.
Kamini (11:20):
You have to practice some self compassion and some mindfulness so that you can bring yourself back down from that overwhelmed state or what I refer to it. It tends to be like that fight, that fight or flight state, the fight flight or freeze state where your, your nervous system is actually in panic mode. And if you stay in that for too long, you end up emotionally traumatized and, or physically traumatized. And so, and that’s generally also where burnout happens, where you are so overwhelmed and overrun that you can’t manage doing more thing. And you are almost like, screw it. I’m giving up the whole, I’m giving up everything and that’s what you need to avoid. And the only way to avoid that is to do these check-ins. And when you start to feel that panic set in, you do what you need to do to, to bring yourself into the present moment.
Kamini (12:07):
Like I said, practice in mindfulness, slow it down, figure out what is it that I need to get done right at this moment? And what can I put off for a little bit of time? Because if we don’t do that and we keep running at a million miles an hour, eventually that’s exactly what happens. We burn out and we are just like, we’re done, we’re done. We can’t do any more. And we physically shut down. You know, we end up in exhaustion, we end up physically in pain. And some of us suffer, you know, ridiculous migraines or headaches. And we can’t actually function. We have to just basically lie down in bed and turn the light off. And you can’t, you’re not, you definitely aren’t present in your life at that, at that point. So it’s really practicing it on a daily basis with this check-in and it’s not selfish. That’s the other thing that I’ve heard, a lot of people say is, you know, self compassion for instance, is considered selfish and it’s actually more selfless because you can’t actually help other people if you’re trying to operate from half full. So it’s, it’s actually beneficial, not just for you, but it’s for the people that you care about as well. To actually take the time to check in with yourself.
Katie (13:10):
You mentioned mindfulness, which is a very hot topic these days. It’s almost like a become a buzz word. And it means so many different things for different people. I think there’s a misconception that mindfulness means like sitting there and meditating or going to yoga every morning. But I don’t think that’s true. I think that’s a myth out there, but I would love to kind of hear your perspective on it. It maybe how you practice mindfulness in your own.
Kamini (13:30):
Okay. So, and I’m so glad you said that because yes, a I agree total buzzword right now and be, I was that person too is like that. I can’t sit and meditate for 20 minutes. Are you kidding me? I’m, I’m constantly running around, but so I love talking about the concept of mindfulness and in what I refer to as the everyday person’s mindfulness and truthfully, what it means to me is to slow it down and get present in that moment. And so the quickest way that I’m able to do that when I realize I need to get present is I use the box, the box breathing method, which is literally just breathing in counting to four, holding it for four exhaling for four, and then waiting for a count of four. I do that three times and immediately by doing just that thing I would ever no way my mind was running is forced to slow down and get present because now I’ve focused on my breath.
Kamini (14:27):
And so it’s an easy way when you’re in the midst of chaos to get centered with yourself and just give yourself. And it literally takes like two minutes tops to do that. And so you can be, you know, and I’m speaking mom of five, constantly running. You can do it in the middle of anywhere, and it is a very easy way to get present in your, in, in whatever moment you’re in. And the other thing that I do is in terms of mindfulness is at the end of each day, I’m taking time to reflect on what I’m grateful for in my life for that day. But the other thing that I do and I encourage people to do this is I, I also forgive myself for things that I may not have done the way that I wanted to happen during that day or the way that they, that they outcome of something.
Kamini (15:18):
And so I just go through this process of, I forgive myself for, and then list three to five things. And then I say, but I’m proud of myself for enlist three to five things. And that is a way for me to also practice a different type of mindfulness, which is just mindfulness of, of being compassionate to oneself. You know, the, the practice of recognizing that am human and doing the best I can and be that I’m still showing up regardless of the outcomes of things and see it’s celebrating even the smallest of accomplishments during a given day, so that I’m, I’m recognizing that I am unique and all of those things that I’m bringing to the, to the world are celebrated. And again, it’s not looking externally for validation, it becomes internal and that’s part of this whole concept of, of being mindful and self compassion.
Katie (16:12):
Yeah. That’s so awesome. I love when people break it down with those actionable steps that you can take, because I think that’s so helpful and, you know, compared to just being like, Oh, you know, be present, you know, something that I can actually do. So that’s awesome. And you mentioned you have five kids, which is so awesome. And I love talking to female entrepreneurs who are also moms and I, that is why one of the reasons I started my own business, because I wanted to have the flexibility and freedom to have a family and still, you know, have a, a job that I’m passionate about. So of course it’s an amazing thing, but when it comes down to it, you know, you have to break up your day in a certain way to make it all work. So how have you kind of structured your days in a way that you can be a present mom and also have a wonderful business where you’re present with your clients as well?
Kamini (16:58):
So I, I, first of all, will fully admit that it’s always a work in progress. I am not perfect by any stretch. There are days when I am just like, okay, I don’t have any of this under control. And then there are other days where I feel like this grand Victor, right. That I’ve got everything under control and I’m so wonderful.
Katie (17:17):
But truthfully, the way that I generally do it is
Kamini (17:19):
I block my days with when they’re in school, first of all, is when I do most of my work, but I also ensure that when I’m with them, I am putting my phone down and I’m fully present with them. And that’s something that I used to not do is I would still sort of be on my phone even when I was with them. And I realized that you know, the whole purpose, like you mentioned, the whole purpose of having your own job is, or own business is so that you can you know, have it so to speak. You can be mom and you can be you know, have a job that you really love to do. Well, if you are constantly carrying around your phone and tied to it, you’re not actually present with your children. And so one of the things that I had to really remember is block my days and then honor that, you know, so when I’m with them, like for instance my oldest son plays lacrosse.
Kamini (18:10):
And so just this weekend I was in my phone and I was putting in all of his games and then making sure that my calendar for work was completely blocked off so that I don’t by any stretch you know, double book, you know, have a client at the same time that he has a game, because again, one of the things that I’ve wanted to do is have my own business, that I can also be present in my kids’ lives. And so it’s just being really proactive with things like that. And then of course, like I mentioned, when they come home from school and you know, I’m off, I put the phone up and I’m not, I’m not on it anymore at that point.
Katie (18:42):
Yeah. I love that. Something as simple as putting your phone away can make a huge difference. And you know, setting boundaries like that has been something that I’ve really needed to learn. When I first started this business, I was taking calls at 1130 on a Saturday night from clients. And, you know, I felt like I had to do that to get my business started. And I wanted to please everyone, which I’ve learned is never going to happen. But setting those boundaries was something that was super difficult for me. I’m sure you come up with your clients having similar issues. What are some techniques that you use? You mentioned putting away your phone when you’re with your kids, but are there any other techniques that may be, might be helpful for other business owners to really set those boundaries and hold to them?
Kamini (19:22):
I honestly feel that for me, in terms of business owners, when I’ve been working with people who have an issue with with it really does come down to boundaries is, you know, using that time blocking method where it’s, I’m working on this, and then this is when I turn off for the day and then learning to actually honor that and being like, no, there’s no fire. I in recognizing like, actually that self-talk, you know, spending that time to say to yourself, there’s no fire. I’m okay. I’m done for the day. This will be here again tomorrow. That’s huge. The other thing that I, I personally do is I have chat like I’ll challenge myself to like for emails, for instance, I used to wake up in the morning and the first thing I would do is pick up my phone and check my email.
Kamini (20:11):
I’ve challenged myself to just have like certain times of the day where I’m in my email and the rest of the time, I actually close that. Well, I closed the app on my phone, but I also close it on my computer because again, email is one of those examples of how reactive we can be. And when we’re no longer in our, our own like dominion, we were we’re reactive instead of generative. And so another tool is to just have those times where it’s like, okay, now I answer emails rather than having it open all day long. And then you hear the little Dingo off and you’re like, Oh my gosh, I have to answer this email. It’s okay from 10 to whatever. That’s when I email time and I’m going to I’m going to email or respond to my emails at that point. And the other thing that I often suggest is with clients set the expectations from the get go. You know, so for instance, I tell my clients, if you email me, I will respond to you within 24 hours, but at least I’m setting that expectation. So they don’t think that they can email me and expect a response, you know, in 30 minutes,
Katie (21:10):
I love that. I even, even the, some people that I’ve worked with, I see they have this automatic reply that says, I checked my email between this time and this time. And I’ll get back to you in 24 hours. And I was like, all right, now I know I don’t have to get anymore. That’s such a cool tactic.
Kamini (21:23):
And it’s it all that comes down to is boundaries and communication. Because if you set the boundary and you communicate it effectively, your clients know exactly what to expect, and then there’s no gray area for them to get upset with you and you don’t have to worry about it.
Katie (21:38):
Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. And I think early on, I was so afraid by setting those boundaries, people would be like, Oh no, I mean, that’s ridiculous. Why would you ask that? But no one has once said that to me, everyone is like, okay, that’s where your boundary is. Great. I would respect that. So just not being afraid to set them. And you know, what, if people have a bad reaction, they’re probably not a great person to work with in the first time
Kamini (22:00):
I was just, I was just going to say, the people who have a bad reaction to it are not your people in the first place and it’s okay. You know, it’s okay for now. You’re not going to be able to please every single person. And that’s part of what we have to recognize that we’re not in the, we’re not in this world to please other people. And we’re not in this world to meet their expectations. We are here to do the best that we can, but we’re not here to constantly like live to somebody else’s expectations. So if we have our own boundaries set in place and we’ve communicated them effectively, if somebody gets upset, we don’t own that.
Katie (22:31):
Absolutely. I could not agree more. And I saw on your website, you have two books available, right? One’s an ebook and one looks like a paperback.
Kamini (22:38):
Yes. Yup. I have a, I was a co collaborator in the 20 of the voices of the 21st century. And, and then I do have an ebook and then I actually have another book. That’s my own coming out, really excited about it’s exciting and a little nerve wracking all at the same time.
Katie (22:54):
Definitely be keeping an eye out for it. But how’s the process of, of writing books, Ben, I mean, that’s a huge thing to take on and such an accomplishment.
Kamini (23:01):
Thank you. Actually it was one of those things where I had to get past the idea that I couldn’t do it. You know, again, the perfectionism comes into place where it’s like, Oh, you need to be, you know, either like an English scholar or, you know, just, you need to be perfect in order to write a book. And then what I realized was you just need to like, say what’s on your mind. And if people, again, if they want to read it, they will. And if they don’t, they won’t and no matter what I’ll still be. Okay. You know, so it was, it was getting over that inner critic that was going on in the back of my head and then realizing all I need to do is sit down and write and it’ll come. That was part of it too. And so it was an interesting growth experience for me. And it really did take me out of my comfort zone. But it certainly pushed me to a growth edge. So I I’m definitely grateful for it.
Katie (23:56):
That’s awesome. Did you do the traditional publishing route or, you know, self publishing? What, what did you decide to do there?
Kamini (24:02):
So with my book, my personal book, it’s the traditional publishing route.
Katie (24:06):
Nice, nice. Yeah. What’s so cool. Is there’s so many options these days, like from everything am too traditional to very self publish and everything in between
Kamini (24:15):
Which is so awesome. It just gives everybody so much more freedom, but I think the traditional publishing route
Katie (24:20):
People don’t know about and don’t know much about it, if they’ve never done it
Kamini (24:23):
Themselves. So did you have to find an agent and go through them? How did all that work? Well, luckily for me, because I was in that other book as a co collaborator I was actually, I had already made connections with a publishing with a publisher, and so I already had an existing relationship. So I did sort of circumvent the crazy of trying to find the agent and, you know, getting involved with the publisher and stuff like that. So I was a little bit lucky in terms of that. And so it was pretty seamless for me personally. Oh, awesome.
Katie (24:54):
Awesome. Very cool. Well, I definitely want people to be able to check those out so they can just find them on your own.
Kamini (25:00):
Yes. And then actually so the, actually the voices of the 21st century, they can find on my website and then my personal book will also will be on my website, but it will also be on like Amazon and the typical ways to find books to again. But just check my website because it’ll be listed there first, as soon as I have my publication date,
Katie (25:22):
I’ll definitely keep an eye out for that. And are there any tools out there that you use maybe for personal development or your business that you really love that you would recommend to listeners that maybe they could check out?
Kamini (25:33):
So in terms of I don’t know if you’d call it a tool. I really loved the book mastery because that reminded me and taught me that it’s okay to make mistakes and it’s through the mistakes that we make that we actually learn and can move forward. So I personally recommend back book in terms of tools that I would recommend. There’s also a book called work simply, and that talks about different ways that people can manage their time. Because again, we all don’t manage our time, the same way our brains don’t operate the same way. So that book was also a real game changer for me in terms of figuring out the way that I, what works for my brain and my, my style. So again, that’s worked simply by Carson, Tate, I wonder.
Katie (26:24):
And I’ll definitely link to those in the show notes. And how can everybody find you online?
Kamini (26:28):
I can be found online on the web at www dot it’s authentic me.com. And I’m also on Facebook again, facebook.com/ it’s authentic me and on Instagram. And yeah, so they can just find me on social media
Katie (26:44):
And message me, or find me on my website and send me an email cause I’d love to hear from people. Awesome. Great. I’ll also link to those in the show notes so everybody can check that out and thank you so much for coming on the show today. It’s been such a pleasure to talk to you. It’s been an awesome pleasure.
